Tuesday, November 2, 2010

I Wish I Had Thrown Pudding in Her Face

Life is full of regrets. Mine is anyway. Like regretting not saying in clearer words, "Take out the trash, girl, he's worthless," when a friend asked me what her S.O. had been like when I'd dated him, or if she had somehow turned him into a monster. I regret punching Clé in the stomach in high school. It was not a very nice thing to do.

I wish I had never been engaged to Glenn, and I wish I had succeeded in breaking up with him before the number of attempts reached five. I regret believing things I found out later were lies, and I wish I had eaten fewer saturated fats in my early twenties.

But more than anything, I wish I had thrown pudding in her face. There was pudding nearby, there would have been no permanent harm, and she totally deserved it. Sometimes what passes for self control is just a lame excuse not to do something you'll always remember with pride.

So if there is a nasty witch in your life that you have an excuse never* to see again, please, for my sake, throw some pudding in her face. You'll regret not doing it.

*ZOMG not if they're going to die or something!


Lisa said...

Okay, very curious as to who should've gotten pudding in their face...

Shar said...

i totally suck at getting to the post office, but just know that you will be getting a little surprise sometime before 2011 is here. that is for sure. because i want to. and i like you. :)