Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Pablo Picasso Designed My Reproductive Organs

I had an ultrasound today to check for a cyst on Lefty, my left ovary. Ultrasounds generally aren't very exciting when there's not a baby in there, but this one was particularly fun. On various imaging tests, pelvic exams, and other doctor visits, I've been told a number of interesting things about my uterus and ovaries, but this one managed to cover them all with a fun (non-baby, GOSH) surprise in store.

First, the standard noting of fluid behind my uterus. For no reason. And it pisses me off because that's an ounce or two of body weight that's really doing nothing for me. At least my body fat will keep me going for a while without food in the case of a zombie/nuclear/superflu/other apocalypse.

Second, my friendly U/S tech reminded me that my uterus is, in fact, tilted backward. Like it was installed wrong or something.

Third, my crazy PCOS ovaries are sitting in there slightly enlarged and covered in googly eyes (okay, follicles) instead of having a few key ones competing for the great monthly baby attempt (i.e. they are trying to become a baby - I'm not trying to have one).

Fourth, she also asked me if I've ever been told my uterus has a septum (and yes of course I have - like eighty people have seen the inside of my uterus). It's like having a widow's peak, except instead of hair making your face look heart shaped, it's a piece of uterus making my oven look like the letter Y.

And just when I thought I knew everything about my wonky pelvic contents, she found something new that's "not supposed to be there." Apparently Lefty doesn't have a cyst at all, but is sitting next to a bunch of weirdy blood vessels. Way to go, random-left-side-of-my-uterus veins! You've put the icing on the most disgusting cake ever!