So I just got this comment on my whiny blog a few posts ago:
"You are a Debbie Downer. Your cynical observations aren't even insightful. I can't read anymore."
So I'm taking this opportunity to sing "It's my blog and I can cry if I want to!" I mean really, what do you guys expect from a pretty severely depressed mama who finds herself a little unready for her challenges in life? My son died! So yeah, sometimes I'm going to cry about life sucking.
Plus, Debbie Downer is hilarious. So yeah, I'm not here to be insightful or smart or optimistic. I am writing this blog to be ME, and right now I'm a short-sighted cynic with nasty mood swings.
But this is the problem, too. I am still getting through (and not getting through) a lot of crap. I suck at coping and can't afford therapy. So I blog. And I'm sorry this blog has become less than what it was. So have I. And my friends are supportive and everything, but people just don't want to be with depressed people. So when you go through a loss like this, you lose friends, too. And when you need someone to talk to the most, there's nobody there. There's nobody who still wants to hear your grief.
As much as you all want me to stop being sad, I want it too! I don't want to be depressed and depressing. But life is still too much some days, and of all of the things that haven't been fair, the thing that pisses me off the most is that I can't turn to my own blog to complain without being called a downer.
This is why depressed people have fewer and fewer friends and worse and worse depression. If you want to serve your fellow man, sometimes you need to spend time with people who aren't easy to be around. It'll probably help them be easier to be around in the future. And not kill themselves in the meantime. One of the natural cures for depression is having friends. So BE one. Not to me if you don't want to, but to your friends who struggle. It's not easy, but it saves lives.
Because the last thing someone who can't handle everything needs (or at least the last thing this mourning mama needs) is a slap in the face. And to you, Fabi, F off.