In our first interview, you specifically stated that you were proficient in digestion. You performed that job admirably for some years. You dealt well with personal challenges, such as lactose intolerance. Your overall fitness for the job over your first sixteen years was excellent—I believe we even awarded you the Sixpack of Amy Gordon award for several years in a row. Things seem to have taken a turn upon your promotion to manager of reproductive affairs.
Since that time, your performance has been a disappointment to upper management. While we understand a certain adjustment period to your new job, and we realize that it may take you a while to be able to fully fill your position as manager of reproductive affairs, we cannot tolerate your loss of competence in all of your job functions.
While we agreed that you could keep a roomier office on one of the middle floors, you have begun to take up more space than is appropriate, considering that you have not been performing your duties in gestation. You seem to be creating the image of gestation, when no reproductive work is actually occurring. This kind of deception is unacceptable here at Amy Gordon.
We have appreciated your work here, and we have seen you overcome great challenges during your career. Because of our great respect for your intelligence and abilities, we will allow you to continue to work here under several conditions:
- You must downsize your department. Cut the fat, and you could have another Sixpack of Amy Gordon year.
- Resume your digestive functions.
- Within two years, achieve some degree of success in gestation, including the manufacturing of our company's most valuable product.
Thank you for your careful consideration of these matters. We will review your progress when we meet next month.
CEO, Amy Gordon