Glad I'm Not Bald

I have a thick, luxurious head of hair. Ask anyone. I can grow it as long as I want about twice as fast as a normal person, and I don't fear cutting off multiple inches, because I know they'll be back soon!

I can't complain about my genetic predisposition for excess hair—caterpillar eyebrows, sideburns, and wildebeest legs. I certainly can't complain when tweezers, waxing, shaving, bleaching, and pants are always there to come to my recue—ooh, and laser hair removal. For anyone thinking about having their armpit/leg/bikini/facial/other hair lasered off, I highly recommend that you go ahead with it, and use American Laser Centers. They're pro. Tell them I recommended you and you'll probably get a discount.

Anyway, what I'm saying is that I'm lucky to have all kinds of fabulous hair for two reasons: First, my eyebrows are just the right thickness that I don't have to draw them in or trim them. They take shaping excellently, and if Audrey Hepburn eyebrows ever come back into style, I'm in business.


My second reason for happily having hemi-hirsute hairiness is that I do NOT have the lady version of male-pattern baldness. Today, on my visit with Dr. Maturlo (my new endocrinologist), she asked me if I was losing any of my head hair. AHHH! It just made me think Boy, things could be so much worse! But I'm not losing my hair. And if I were, I could probably just have what I leave on the shower wall reinserted.

So today, I'm glad I'm not bald.