Saturday, January 23, 2010

Hands of God

But I'm forgetting something important. Maybe there is some mystical point at which children become ours. And maybe it is simply God's providence that decides whether we get there or not. Or with everything in God's power, especially his precious babies, I imagine it wouldn't be a stretch to imagine he treats these things on a case-by-case basis.

In any event, it is up to me to trust that God will grant motherhood in his own time, in his own way. And however it happens, fairness and justice beyond my understanding will be perfect anyway.

1 comment:

Liz Johnson said...

Amy, I'm totally stalking you via Lisa Badal's blog. I was in your Wymount ward and I think I was even your visiting teacher. And I probably wasn't a very good one. I'm really sorry about that.

I've had three miscarriages - two early "typical" ones, and one that was at 16 weeks, where my water broke and I delivered a tiny baby into my own hand in my bathroom in the middle of the night. That was in November. As you can probably imagine, it sucked.

I know my situation is very different from yours, but I think you're really on to something with this post - it's different for everyone. It's a case-by-case type of thing. I felt no attachment to my two early miscarriages and wouldn't be surprised if I never had an eternal child attached to each of them. And that's ok. I know some women have felt very differently about their early miscarriages, and that's ok too. But this last one, hoo boy, she is my baby. And the only reason I know that is because I prayed really hard (aka 'yelled belligerently at God') and got that answer. And I also got the answer that it's probably different for everybody, and isn't it wonderful that we all get to have a personal relationship with God where we can pray to and/or yell at Him and get answers personal to us? It's amazing, really.

So I guess what I'm trying to say here is... I hope you get your answer, and sooner rather than later. And I hope that both of these babies make it much longer and that you get to cuddle them both into adulthood on Earth. But like you said, it will be perfect any way it happens, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and praying for you guys.

Sorry for the stalking... and the inevitable grammatical errors made in this very long comment. :)