Wednesday, December 30, 2009


Things I bought for myself with Christmas money:
  1. Bigger bras. Yep.
  2. An extremely simple makeup routine.
  3. A prenatal yoga DVD.
  4. And yeah, a double-electric breast pump on clearance.
It's like I'm 13 again—obsessed with my boobs, discovering makeup—but in a very new and somewhat disturbing way.

I used to buy scented lotions. Now I buy giant tanks of whatever has cocoa butter in it. At one time or other, I owned thong underwear. Now everything I own has a ridiculously huge "stretch panel" across my midsection. My one desire was to be a bridesmaid. In November I had to skip out on my good friend's wedding so I could lay around a lot and puke.

They say your life changes forever when you have kids. But it changes when mom stops doing your laundry, you move in with roommates, or you get your first period. There are always trades to make, and I've sure as heck started this round.

It's not so bad to trade in what I'll call "digestive freedom" for a couple of kicks where my intestines once were every so often. And I'll tell you right now that while the "cute girl" discount/way of getting away with anything was on the worse end of a severe fade, the "I have a giant belly" discount got me both a free soda and an unhindered entrance to the movie theater with my giant bag of outside food.

Constant back pain vs. workplace backstab? Yeah, I'm loving this phase of life, as sick as I am. Also, my cat loves the extra cuddle time. I will probably never get a master's degree, but I chose which nevers I could live with, and "never be pregnant" was not on the list. So I did it, and I'm happy I'm making the trade.

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